Forgiving Troy - a true story of murder, mental illness, and recovery

I previously read Thom Bierdz' memoir, Young, Gay & Restless, a very revealing tell-all about the soap opera star's life, his coming to terms with being gay, and his decision to be himself regardless of what others said or thought. That book spoke to me in so many ways, and I think I was most surprised to find that someone I thought of as a huge Hollywood star had the same insecurities as me, faced many of the same problems as me, and had so many of the same thoughts and feelings as me. It opened my eyes to the reality that television and movie stars really are no so different from us "common folk" after all. So, after reading the book, I contacted Thom directly on Facebook to share my thoughts on the book. I found him to be a very open, personable man, and as a result, I bought his other two books (as well as one of his art books) to learn more about this artist/actor/author.

Forgiving Troy tells an entirely different side of Thom's life.  Back in 1989, just after Thom had left his role as Phillip Chancellor III on the daytime drama, The Young & The Restless, he received the news that his mother had been killed - by his own younger brother, Troy. Now, being completely honest, I don't know how I could cope with that. My own mother passed away a little over two years ago now (heart attack and other health issues), and I am still coming to terms with that and learning how to process it. But to learn that your mother was murdered by a member of your own family? I can't even fathom that kind of trauma. Yet, Thom not only dealth with it - but he faced it in the most amazing way possible!

In this book, Thom shares the story of Troy's life - from his birth, all the way up to the present (2009, which I'm assuming is when the book was first published). He shares the family issues with their parents' separation and divorce; he shares the ongoing struggles of Troy's instability; and he shares his own struggles with what he did, didn't do, could have done, should have done, and would have done differently, and how those could have affected the outcome.  If I had to describe this book with only one word, that word would be:

Courageous.

I cannot think of one other person that I have ever known (outside of Christ, Himself) who could not only face a tragedy such as this in the matter that Thom did, but to open himself up and share it with the entire world - that bloody well takes more courage than anyone I know of could possibly possess. It took courage for Thom to go see his brother in prison after he was convicted and sentenced.  It took courage for Thom to sit with his brother and talk to him not just once - but again and again, as he tried to make sense of it. It took courage for Thom to see that his mother was now free of all of the pain and suffering.  It took courage for Thom to face his siblings and tell them how he felt about what Troy did.  It took courage to create a self-made film with dolls and puppets to retell his mother's story, despite the fact his siblings did not want him to do it.  It took courage for Thom to face his father and develop a relationship once again with a man who had been so distant for all of those years.  It took courage for Thom to see his older brother gone, having committed suicide.  It took courage for Thom to stand his ground and stay faithful to visiting Troy on a regular basis, getting him the psychiatric and medicinal help he needed in prison. It took courage to remain persistent until the day when his father went with him to visit Troy ... until the day his sister went with him to visit Troy.

I have no doubt, whatsoever, that Phyllis Bierdz is looking down on her son, her smile wide as she beams with pride for the amazingly courageous and loving man that she brought into this world, a young man who follows in her footsteps and is now looking after the troubled son that she cared for herself for so many years up until she left this mortal plane.

Forgiving Troy will make you cry, there is no doubt about it.  It will make you examine your own family relationships.  It sure did mine.  I mean, there is one statement in the book, made by one of Thom's ex-boyfriends, that I know now is so true - "The mother is the glue that holds the family together."  It was true of Thom's family, and it sure as heck was true of my family.  Every Easter, every Christmas - birthdays, anniversaries - it was always my mother that got the family together.  Now that she is gone - my father has moved away to Kentucky; we never hear from my oldest brother; and my other brother and I, who live less than 50 miles apart, are lucky to see each other once a year at Christmas.  That one sentence, near the beginning of the book, hit me so deeply, that I realized this was going to be a difficult book to read.  And it was. But, it was so well worth the read.

Thom shares his pain, his loss, his anger, his confusion, his doubt, his disbelief - but most of all, he shares his love.  He opens up his heart, he bares his soul, and so few people in the world rarely, if ever, do that - and yet, Thom does it here, willingly, for the whole world to see. And his story - Troy's story - it's one that needs to be read.  To read Thom's growth over the years; to read how he overcame his own issues, his own self-doubts, and how he came to terms with his brother and what happened - it will teach you the one concept that means more than anything else in the world.  You must learn to forgive.

Matthew 6:14-15 - For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Ephesians 4;32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, ven as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

If Thom's story does not represent the ultimate in love and forgiveness - an example of Christ's own love and forgiveness for the world that spurns and denies him - I don't know what does.  It's so easy to love and forgive our friends, those people who stand by us and seek out our forgiveness. But how difficult is it to forgive someone who doesn't ask for your forgiveness? Someone who has threatened to kill you?  Forgiving Troy will show you the answer.

RATING:  10 games of UNO out of 10 for sharing from the heart and soul a story of love, courage, and forgiveness - - and hope!