The Hardly Boys and The Mystery of the Golden Goblet - a Hardy Boys parody

While I'm not exactly the biggest Hardy Boys fan, I am always a fan of a good parody. Ever since the Airplane! films and the later Scary Movie films, I have loved the art of parody. So far, Mabel Maney probably has the best parodies when it comes to Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys - but there have been a few others than have made me chuckle here and there. So, when I saw this particular book on Amazon and read the premise - the Hardly brothers are "cryogeriatrically" placed in a state of suspended animation for 50 years, and these boys of the '50s wake up in the bodies of old men in the 2000s - well, it sounded like a great fish-out-of-water kind of fun.

Instead of fun, though, the story turned out to be pretty painful...

The Mystery of the Golden Goblet pretty much reads like a normal Hardy Boys adventure story.The mystery involves a valuable golden goblet that is encrusted with valuable jewels that is stolen from a local museum, and it is up to the boys to find it. The only problem is, it is an international smuggling organization that may have stolen it, so the FBI are involved - lucky for the boys, their father is on good terms with the FBI, so the boys and their friends are asked to help find and capture the crooks.  There are lots of moments of adventure along the way - an undersea cavern, a submarine chase, secret rooms in an abandoned mansion, shoot-outs in the sky, deadly boat chases, disguises, car chases, and the like.  I suppose for Hardy Boys fans, this book might be downright enjoyable.  But for me, my question the entire time was - where is the parody?

Sure, the boys are now in the bodies of 70-something year old men; yet, they act and move just like teenagers, so apparently those aged bodies don't affect them at all. Their parents and aunt are all still alive and in their nineties. Their girlfriends are still alive and in their 70s, having waited all those years as single women, waiting for the Hardly Boys to return. They don't know what cell phones are, they don't understand all of the modern cultural references, they still use slang terms from the 1950s, and they are both timid and unsure of themselves when it comes to being around girls (women). Sure, the author tries to play the "fish-out-of-water" aspect by having the boys refer to themselves as teenagers while the world around them sees them as 70-year-old men, but those scenes often fall flat. In fact, there is very little humor at all in the book. I mean, based on the premise, I had figured on reading scenes where the boys are unable to do a lot because of their aging bodies; I had though there would be jokes about their need to wear Depends undergarments, or the creaking they hear is the bones and not a door opening, etc. Yet, not once are there any jabs about the boys' age.

Then I read a bit about the author, Tom Cherones. Seems Mr. Cherones was an "Emmy Award Winning director of the Seinfield TV series," and that pretty much said it all for me. I was never a fan of Seinfield. I saw an episode here and there, but never once found them to be funny. So, I guess it should come as no surprise then that I don't find his writing of the Hardy Boys to be funny. Which is  shame, because I really tried to find some enjoyment in it.

The one surprise I did rather like, though, was the single internal illustration at the beginning of the book. The art was done by none other than husband and wife team, Terry & Rachel Dodson, who are very well-known and established comic book artists, having done some magnificent work on Wonder Woman, and who are currently providing art on Image Comics' Adventureman. I certainly never expected to see comic book artists of this caliber providing internal (and cover) art for a little independent book such as this. I guess that was the one saving grace for this book and made it (somewhat) worth buying.

Would I recommend this book? Most likely not. If you are a huge Hardy Boys fan and want anything and everything that is related to the brothers, then perhaps you might get this just to have a complete collection. Otherwise, for me, the story is not worth reading.

RATING:  3 swipes of a credit card out of 10 for at least attempting to give Hardy Boys fans a parody of the crime-solving brothers.