The Pardy Boys and Nancy Screw Adventure Series - Adult Parodies of the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mystery Stories

I'm always up for a good parody - especially if the books parody some of my favorite childhood series books.  Over the years, there have been plenty of parodies of the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books - from books, to magazines, to comics, to stage plays, to burleque - you name it, and there is pretty much a sure bet that someone somewhere has created a parody of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys for that market.  From Nancy Clue to Susan Slutt to Nancy Keene, to "Confessions of a Teen Sleuth," to the Hardly Boys to the Hearty Boys, and so many more.  Some of them are funny, some of them are mildly amusing, and some of them are just okay.  But of all the ones I've read to date, I don't think any of them are as outright raunchy as the Pardy Boys and Nancy Screw books by "Whit Slorp" (an obvious pseudonym if I've ever seen one!) - and, sadly, not funny at all.

Peenocchio and the Wooden Circus Plot is "The Pardy Boys Gay Adventure Series" parody.  Obviously, from the title, it's pretty apparent the story is going to be sexual in nature.  I knew that going in (no pun intended!).  However, I had half-hoped there would be some kind of funny mystery or at least some great jokes that made fun of the clean-cut Frank and Joe Hardy.  Instead, the author basically provides a gay Pinocchio tale with tons of explicit sex scenes and very little of Brian and Joah Pardy (i.e. "Frank" and "Joe" Hardy).  The two step-brothers are more or less side-characters in their own story.  Sure, they are trying to help free Peenocchio from the grasp of the Vincenzo, the owner of a gay dance club who wants Peen to be his wooden dancer for the patrons, but the gist of the story is that Peen is wanting to become a real man so that he can better please his boyfriend, Gepetto, who created him out of his fetish with wooden dolls (don't ask!).  And the story is so focused on getting from one sex scene to the next, that the author can't even get his characters straight when writing non-sex scenes - for example, on page 27, Joah is trying various keys to unlock Peen's cage, but in the next paragraph, it is Brian who is trying to unlock the cage, then in the next, we're back to Joah.  Very sloppy writing and editing (although, let's face it, what can we expect from a basic porn story???).  Very, VERY disappointed with this one.  

 

Oh, and lest I forget, this book has some internal illustrations (I'm guessing as an homage to the internals of the original Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books back in the day), and they are not horribly drawn - certainly better than those "stick figure" drawings in the later years of the Nancy Drew books.  But as the story devolves into pure debauchery, the author (who also provides the drawings) ends up drawing a scene from one of the most depraved and grotesque parts of the story, and all I could do was shake my head when I saw it...

The Hidden Valley Ranch of Studs Mystery, which is "The Nancy Screw Adult Adventure Series" parody, is a few steps above the Pardy Boys - but not much.  At least in this short story, there is an actual mystery for Nancy to solve - and Nancy actually plays a role in the story, she is not simply a side character.  Nancy visits a tarot reader and receives a strange prediction that she can't seem to shake.  When she stumbles upon a woman wandering around the dark woods that everyone is warned to stay away from, she begins to suspect something is up.  Following her instincts, she follows the woman and discovers a burned down farm and a silo from which a young woman is being held prisoner!  SPOILER ALERT!!!!  It turns out the young woman is an orphan, her father having died in a crazy sexual incident at a male whorehouse called "The Hidden Valley Ranch of Studs," and the owner of the ranch took the baby from the mother (who she deemed to be out-of-her-mind) and hid her away to protect her.  Of course, it turns out the young woman is actually a man who wants to be a woman.  In any event, it is Nancy Screw who follows up on the clues she finds in the burned down farm, interrogating the owner of the Ranch, and taking the tarot reading seriously in order to free the kidnapped girl and uncover exactly what happened all those years ago when the girl's parents - the very pregnant mother dressed as Tinkerbell and her father dressed as Wendy - filmed an unbelievable encounter with a hired male escort they had dressed up as Peter Pan that ended tragically for Wendy and Peter....  And, oddly enough, that is exactly where the author chooses to end the book - with Nancy watching the end of the video ...

As with the Pardy Boys book, the Nancy Screw book seems to lack any real editing.  On page 12, when Nancy comes out from having her fortune told, her friends Hannah, Adam, and Derek are waiting for her.  But when Adam talks to her about the reading, suddenly an "Erica" pops in with comments about alleged psychic readings.  Who the heck is Erica and where did she come from?  At least the author tones down on the whole sex thing with this parody and focuses more on an actual story - which, honestly, if you take away the sex and the horrible names, the underlying plot itself would have made for a somewhat interesting Nancy Drew mystery - young child is taken away from her parents after a tragic accident; the captor keeps the child hidden away deep in the woods to keep her safe from the outside world; the woods in which the child is hidden are alleged to be haunted, so everyone stays away from them; Nancy happens upon someone going into the woods, and after a strange tarot reading, she decides to investigate.  

 

Oddly, the Nancy Screw story had no internal illustrations like the Pardy Boys did.  The Nancy Screw story is also 30 pages shorter than the Pardy Boys book.  Not sure if these were written at the same time, or if one was written before the other and that prompted the differences.  

Would I recommend these to anyone?  To read, definitely not.  They are not worth the read at all.  However, for collectors who want anything and everything Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, then these might be something to buy and simply stick on the shelf next to any other parodies you might have and then let them collect dust, because honestly - that's about all they are good for!

RATING:  2 marshmallows speared on long thin sticks out of 10 simply for being a parody of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys - because, really, there's not much else that I could say to support these books.