Anonymous True Accounts Told to Thom Bierdz (How Men Really Feel About Being Sexually Assaulted)

I have previously read actor Thom Bierdz' other two books - Forgiving Troy and Young, Gay & Restless - and found them to be raw, moving, and very personal in nature. The first was a journey of facing the most devastating news a person could face and finding a way to overcome it and forgive his own brother, while the second was a very open and revealing (in so many ways!) look back at the author's own life.  This third book, however, is something completely different, as it is not about Thom; rather, this book is an open and honest revelation about something most people don't ever consider - the sexual assault of men.

Anonymous True Accounts Told to Thom Bierdz: how men really feel about being sexually assaulted is not the type of book I would ever pick up and read.  It is not a topic I particularly want to think about, and not being a fan of non-fiction, it is not a book I would normally be interested in reading.  But, having read Thom's other two books, I purchased this one directly from Thom (he was even kind enough to sign it!) and figured I would face the difficult task of seeing how men truly feel about being sexually assaulted.  I can honestly say that I was not prepared for most of what I read!

One does not often think about men being sexually assaulted.  Even though reports of young boys being sexually assaulted are in the news, somehow, there is this misguided belief that men "cannot" be sexually assaulted, and if they are, it does not have the same impact that it does on women when they are assaulted.  Further, there is a misconception that slapping a woman on the behind is assault, while taking the same action on a man is not.  The simple truth is - when you force some kind of physical attention on another human being, whether female or male, without that person's consent, it is assault.  Period.  There are not extenuating circumstances, there are not excuses, and there are certainly no differences.  Assault is assault.  And, as this book shows, not everyone's reaction to assault is the same.  Just as people are different, so are their reactions.

I was utterly surprised to find that some of these anonymous accounts showed how some men found that what would constitute assault in many people's eyes was actually enjoyable and basically became the groundwork for what they enjoyed sexually and what they expected in a relationship.  In fact, one account found a man who had a incestuous relationship with his own father for decades and did not regret one moment of it!  That was probably the most difficult account of all to read, as incest is not something that is natural, and the fact that this individual found it to be satisfying and an important part of his life made me feel sorry that the father had taken away his son's innocence and destroyed his capability to understand right from wrong.  Thom made it clear in his book that he compiled these stories not for the purpose of judging anyone, but to show how abuse affects different people in different ways.  But it was evident from some of the questions Thom asked of this individual that even Thom had a difficult time understanding how this abuse had affected this now grown man.

The accounts within the book varied from men who recalled being abused as children by family members, by friends, by employers, by church members, and others to adult men who found themselves being drugged and taken advantage of and then left to be found unconscious in a parking lot or back room.  As I read one story after another my heart broke when I realized just how many men out there have suffered abuse and how it has affected so many lives (not just of them men themselves, but also the people around them).  While some men have shown the ability to overcome and move beyond the abuse to find healthy relationships and live normal lives, others have lived with the stigma of what was done to them and have been unable to fully deal with the trauma imposed on them by vicious, uncaring people (many of whom have gone unpunished for what they did!).  My heart broke and at times, I had tears in my eyes, as I read story after story of men revealing some of the most horrific moments of their lives - in a lot of cases, being told for the first time, as how many people would really believe that a "man" was sexually assaulted?

While difficult to read, I must praise Thom for providing men with an opportunity to share these stories, since a lot of them have been holding this in, keeping it secret for years, even decades, for fear of what others would say if they told the story of what happened.  Thom provided these men with a safe space to share their stories anonymously, to open up a discussion on how society views assault on men as compared to assault on women, and to hopefully allow these men to find a way to heal from their ordeal (because sometimes just talking about it is the first step of the healing process).  I will warn you, this is not easy reading, and in some places, it can be quite explicit - but it will definitely give you a much better perspective on just what kind of affect a sexual assault can have on a man, and that sexual assaults are just as real for men as they are for women!

RATING:  9 anonymous accounts out of 10 for daring to share honest, raw, and sometimes shocking stories of men who were shamed and forever changed by the assaults forced upon them.